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Notes from the Underground



I am a sick man. ... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my r is diseased. However, I know nothing
at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I
have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway
(I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite.
That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I
am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot 'pay out' the doctors by not consulting them;
I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I don't consult a doctor
it is from spite. My r is bad, well--let it get worse!

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